I have had that feeling all day long. I know what Easter is about. I know the story a million times over. But after all I have experienced, this Easter it means more. It means life, and not just life, but life abundantly.
It means freedom and liberation and breath.
Easter is about the grace I am so unworthy of receiving.
Today, unable to find the motivation to pour out the tears to my God on my own, I turned on The Passion of the Christ.
It took seeing Mary's face when she saw her son for me to move down to my knees. I remained there the rest of the movie.
When Peter denied Jesus the final time, there was a moment in the movie where Jesus looks to Peter with eyes so piercing it sent a ripple through my body.
I buried my face in the carpet and let the tears fall.
How many times do I deny my God daily?
I push off quiet time. I forget to pray. I fall into sinful nature.
I shake my finger at Peter for something I am guilty of constantly.
I want to live a perfect and blameless life in wholly abundance for my God. I fall so easily, just as Peter. I get caught in the moment and suddenly realize the time I have spent living is only time spent dying.
His eyes focused in on my soul today. As I watched His bloody body fall limp at each blow, I felt the conviction rise.
I am just as guilty as Judas, who sold Him. I am just as guilty as Peter, who denied Him. I am just as guilty as the Romans, who persecuted Him.
Yet, I am just as worthy as Mary, who birthed Him.
Because He was punished for my impurities, I am made worthy.
Why, sweet Lord, You died for me, I will never know. Forever, my Love, I will be grateful.
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