You make beautiful things.

I heard something this weekend.

Something that resonated powerfully within my soul.

"Lord, let my greatest need be to love, not to be loved."

And I realized this journey is over.

Selah.

I look to You, I won't be overwhelmed.

I have decided that perhaps I left something else in Ecuador.

I think maybe, just maybe, that I thought I left my heart there.

But that I thought I left God there too.

I can talk about Him.

I can worship Him.

I can take joy in Him.

But do I confide in Him or talk to Him or tell Him I love Him?

Rarely since Ecuador.

Even now this blank page is growing words that are about Him, not to Him.

Oh, my Lord, God.

See Your daughter and flood me with Your grace.

For I have forsaken You and tried to do this life on my own.

But what is life without You in it?

Meat without salt.

A shore with no sea.

A man without woman.

Adventure without courage.

You are the flavor, the reason, the love, the strength.

Forgive my idle heart.

I will reach for You.

Desire is not an emotion equated with you lately.

Tonight I want you to flood my soul more than ever before.

Father, be my everything.

Help me to be salt and light because I see Your salt and light daily.

Help me to look to You in the beauty of all things.

You are not in me in Ecuador.

For I am not in Ecuador.

You are in me here.

Now.

Forever.

I praise You for loving me regardless.

You are my desire.

They are weak, but He is strong.

Once there was a girl who thought she left her heart in Ecuador.

But that's silly, really.

Because you can't leave your heart somewhere that your brain and body and shoes are not.

The little girl set out across Georgia to see if she could find her heart again.

She found her sweetheart.

But she couldn't find her whole heart to love him with.

She thought she had left the rest in Ecuador.

That silly girl and that sweet boy decided to get married.

And even though it still feels like something might be missing.

She loves him with everything she has.

Perhaps.

After all.

It's not her heart that went missing.

Just little pieces of her soul that got attached to other little souls.

Somewhere near the equator.

Her heart was full and her soul was longing.

She came back with her whole heart.

It was what to do with her heart.

And all the love bundled up inside.

That had the little girl confused.

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.

With feathered wings I fly towards thee.

With tattered clothes.

And washed out soul.

With a life from which I faintly run.

And a heart that has been Yours since birth.

With feathered wings I fly towards thee.

With strong desire.

And a sense of fear.

With a thirst of which no stream might quench.

And an ache that seems to penetrate.

With feathered wings I fly towards thee.

Guide me safe.

Steer me home.

Lead me in.

Come away with me.

I love you.

More than the stars that shine in the sky.

More than the fish that swim in the sea.

More than the depths of all depths.

More than the highest of heights.

I love you to the ends of the earth.

And right back into my arms.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I never leave Your hands.

My heart has been broken a thousand times.

A thousand times in three and a half weeks.

I have mourned the losses of lives I did not intersect.

I have grieved the pains of those I did.

My heart has been broken a thousand times.

The ones that were unwanted are wanted by me.

The ones unloved are loved by me.

The ones who are thought different are the same to me.

My heart has been broken a thousand times.

I need to do more.

They need more than I can give right now.

I want to do more.

They need more than I could ever want to give.

My heart has been broken a thousand times.

Each tiny smile shatters my soul.

Each tiny finger pierces my skin.

Each tiny laugh brings my tears.

My hears has been broken a thousand times.

When I cry out to God, why?

He answers me with His love.

When I want to take control.

He tells me, be still My child.

My heart has been broken a thousand times.

And it took me until tonight to realize.

And it took me until now to grieve.

And it took me until just this moment to ache.

My heart has been broken a thousand times.

But faith has been restored with each breath I hear.

Your children will remain safe beneath Your wing.

I shall not protest Your works.

For Your ways are far beyond mine.

My heart has been broken a thousand times.

For I know that You will heal.

For I know that You provide.

For I know that You will love.

Even when my heart is breaking.

You hold the world in Your hands.

He is my light, my strength, my song.

You hold me in the storm.

You calm the winds of my mind.

You are my shelter.

My rock.

My strong tower.

And yet You lead me further into the rain.

You bring me closer to the darkness.

But You guide me with Your light.

You are all I need.

At the ends of the Earth I need only a beating heart.

For my heart beats for you.

You give me strength to go on.

I feel Your power in each breath.

You are all I need.

For me, it's you.

To recite words that have already been said would be to drink in the sunset of yesterday.

So I have new words.

You are more to me than life will ever be.

You make me whole in your arms.

You teach me with your eyes.

You ease my fears with a whisper.

I fear no fate with you beside me.

Your love has proved boundless.

Your spirit, incorrigible.

Your grace, undeserved.

But the only reason I know your love is enough to tame this wild horse.

Is because it reflects the only real Love I have ever experienced.

Because through my truest Love, I experience true love.

You are not the air I need to breath but the reason that I breathe it.

I call you grace.

I waited.

I wondered for a long time if mending would ever come.

But You asked that I be patient.

That I wait for the treasures You had in store.

And as I waited and wondered and pondered and plundered

You began to form a love I did not know was possible.

It has caused me to rethink everything.

This love is more than I know what to do with.

More than I know how to feel.

More than I know how to describe.

And most of all, more than I deserve.

They paved paradise to put up a parking lot.

I do so much.

And yet I spend so much time doing absolutely nothing.

My classes are a waste.

I sit in on meetings more often than I participate.

Being successful does not mean that I am fulfilling my purpose.

This has been an interesting lesson to learn.

Now that I am ready to live out my purpose in whatever capacity that may be, how do I pretend to be passionate about the things that made me a success?

Raise me up from this grave.

I am burdened.

I am burdened, Oh Lord, I am burdened.

My heart is heavy.

My limbs are numb.

My legs are shaking under the weight of it all.

So I begin this fast today in the hopes that You will be my strength.

These idols that occupy my time.

These people that all want my space.

The food engulfing my stomach.

I am giving it all to You.

Twenty more days to go, Lord, and all I want is Your blessing.

Fill me with your bread of life.

Be all the things I am not.

Love is here.

I have a lot of words right now.

I wish they would come out in a sensible, digestible, majestical way.

But I will leave them at this:

Our God is big.

A new year does not prove that. A new love does not prove that. A new nose does not prove that. A new home does not prove that.

His glory proves it.

Everyday.

In the mundane. In the magnificent. In the moment.

He is here, now, whispering softly the words of hope our hearts long to hear.

Better love.

Today, I began to read about new Love.

It is titled "an intoxicating love" in my book.

In this book I keep treasures and photos and notes.

And on this first page of intoxicating Love, there lay a gift from old love.

I want to be sad.

I want to be overcome with emotion.

I want to immerse myself in the earthly feelings of broken heartedness.

But today is about new Love.

He is bigger than he.

I want to be intoxicated by his Love for me.

This dried flower kept between the pages symbolized so much for so long.

But as I picked each petal that had fallen from the stem out from between the pages, I realized how little I desire worldly affection and love and how much I desire His affection and Love.

Let my heart be opened and stilled that I am revealed how madly You love me.

Bring on the rain.

It is not often I let the brokenness creep back in.

Today it hit me like a wave comes in from the ocean.

I wish I could write to release it.

But I am much to tired to fight today.

Tomorrow's another day.

I'm thirsty anyway.

You can have all of this world, but give me Jesus.

I need Jesus.

I need You right now and from here on out.

The only things I have passion for are the aligning of Your will in my life and the saving of souls.

I want to be motivated.

I want to care for something.

I want You to move me.

I'm letting go of all else.