As deep cries out to deep.

From time to time we look back on yesterday. Last night I thought of the places I was a year ago that day; a Wednesday night in Athens. This day could have been just as any other. While I don't recall what exact day it was or where, a pain shot through my veins like none I have ever experienced. Was my day wasted? Decision after decision last year was fueled by my head not my heart. Was that day one in the same? The time has come to be fueled by something better, a well oiled machine ready for its works on the streets of grace. The attraction of the desires my head pines for still remain, but what calls louder now, is the overwhelming love my heart has been inscribed with. 

It's funny how amidst all the heartbreak, one year has lead me from there to here. 

Funny how the words stream from my fingers onto the screen fueled by my heart, not by my head. I write what I feel, not what I think. This is the difference. I must go now where I feel, not where I think.

My life is no longer an I statement. I will no longer leave my mark on the paths that I traipse across. He will leave an etching in the lives of those His love pours from me on. His blessings will come from the place I was one year ago to satisfy those who yearn presently. His desires have become my desires. The place He will make the biggest difference with me will not be atop the roofs screaming about His love, but in being His love to the broken on the bathroom floor; the place where I once took up space. He has not called me to lead an extravagant life in this world with ribbons and pearls draped upon me, but a naked life, raw and emotional. I am a relational being with my experiences to offer and His love to give. 

So where, one year from now, will I be? Only He knows, but I know where it will not be. It may be a Wednesday night in Athens again, but I will be walking down streets of His grace, not my desires. He never wanted the choices I made for myself, but He watched, in loving adoration, as I clawed at the mess I had made. He humbly waited for me to retract my claws, bury my pride, and reach for His hands. With one touch, one breath, one blink, He melted my pain, my shame and fear, doubt, hate, loathing, all of  it. The grace that resonated in my soul made me want to run. Still He held me in His arms, waiting for the love to set in. And now, I sit in awe of His mercy.

But I must stand, in delight of His promises.